Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
