You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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