Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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