come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
