I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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