new low.... made out with someone while peeing
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
