I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
