I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
