so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
