Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
