I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
