i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
