Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
