Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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