I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
