you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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