I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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