at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
