She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
