I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
