Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
