I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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