no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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