it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
