No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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