I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
