Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
