she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
