come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
