just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
