What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
