what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
