I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
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It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
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My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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