"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Are my feet made of real feet?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
