we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
