there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
