Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
