Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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