I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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