My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize