my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
