I accidentally had phone sex last night
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
