So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
