when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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