What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
