tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
