I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
