I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
