Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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