just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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