everyone is single if you try hard enough
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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