I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
