Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
