bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
