I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
