Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
