u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
