whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
