Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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