so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Life is so much better after having sex.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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