Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
