it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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