he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
