If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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